Yesterday, sometime during the middle of the night, I had finished reading some new articles and write-ups as is my habit, and then I proceeded to log on Truth Zombie’s social media accounts to interact with the online community and the growing fan base as I usually do every night. In the midst of these interactions, one of the things I do is to reach out to more people with the hope of getting to make them regular Truth Zombie readers, and my intentions on this particular night wasn’t so much different.
Honestly, I am a bit reluctant to tell the details of how I did it on this particular night, because now realizing how much level of mental unhealthiness is in this world, I am sincerely frightened that I might be showing someone a way to trigger more negative thoughts by showing them just where to head to online. While this is not my intention, and I have discovered that these things do more damage when being meditated upon in silence, than when being discussed out loud, I would go ahead and narrate my experience in details, not with the intention of causing more damage, but with the desire to provoke everybody who reads this piece into making a decision and doing something concerning this issue.
Continuing my story; I usually search online with hash tags involving whatever issues I have discussed on my blog, and while on other days I search using mild hashtags, on this day I decided to search with the hash tag #suicide. The reason is that I had written a short piece once, titled ‘wait until he has committed suicide’ (click click here to read) and I decided that day, to reach out to more people on the issue of suicide.
What I expected to see though was mostly other awareness groups, anti-suicide movements and campaigns against suicide, and I when I find them, I planned to get involved in the discussion, tell people to check out my article on it, and spread the word (this technique has proven to be effective).
I typed in the hash tag #suicide and waited, and as is the protocol on instagram, a warning appeared, explaining how people searching for this word are usually in some sort of trouble, and should get help and all those formalities. I closed the warning and began to scroll through results, and what I saw dizzied me.
Instead of seeing anti-suicide awareness groups and campaigns as I had expected to see, I was staring live at personal accounts after another, that had been sadly decorated with warnings and quotes and statements all pointing to a high level of mental illness, suicidal thoughts and depression in different guises.
Warning: the pictures below might be triggering, and if you have a history with any of this feelings, or you find them excessively discomforting, then you should probably not go through them, though I believe there is hope at the end
There are many others even sadder than the ones above, but I have filtered through them as much as possible.
What pains me most about these pages is the fact that they are being run by individuals, individuals whose thoughts about themselves and the society are glaringly displayed in the form of quotes and memes, and they are right there on Instagram! (and of course Facebook, twitter, other social networks and this blog too)Along with billions of other users, and the attention they get is zero to nothing! These are people, people who are literally feeling like crap because their experiences with life has left them feeling dejected and with no value, and the subconscious lies of the society about perfect body weight, true beauty and basis for determining human worth is so strong that they have believed everything hook, line, and sinker! And to think that the way they feel isn’t even the truth, because the truth is that no human being is worthless, and no human being deserves to be unloved.
The fact they all run under animosity is another thing that struck me. There is hardly any of them that contains personal details about who it is sitting behind their computers or phones, baring their hearts out to the world in a desperate cry for help, and we all have to admit that it can be anybody.
You know, the thing about human beings is that most of us are so reclined and feeling safe in our comfort zone that we begin to get the mentality that everyone around us is definitely feeling the same way, and would certainly be wrapped in a cocoon of protection too. But then come to think of it, the persons who fell victim of depression and suicide were all surrounded by people too; people who might have probably lived good lives, also thinking to themselves that nothing could go wrong with anybody because nothing was going wrong with them.
Let me leave this truth here: The next person to harbor the thought of suicide can be anybody, and may not be far from you. It can be the girl you greet everyday on your way to your workplace, or your sibling whom you’ve shared your house with all your life, and if you’re not sensitive to see the sings, you as might as well have a casualty before you understand what’s happening. And ooow, it’s not a curse or a prayer; it’s a reality you have to reflect upon and know for sure which party you belong to, whether it is the larger insensitive group of humans living their daily life not bothering with those who are hurting, or the little few who watch out for signs and are eager to help hurting souls.
And before I close this little book of lamentations, I would like to specifically address each and every person who is hurting in one way or the other, and is reading this write up too. You are here on this site not by coincidence, but because you ought to know that there is hope for you, and there is a lot more meaning to your existence than you can see right now. All those negative things you have been told are all lies and the people who feed you with these negative misconceptions about yourself are all liars too.
You are bigger than your pain, you are brighter than the glow of your tears, and you are worth more than your body size, your intellectual level, and your physical appearance. You are genuinely beautiful and handsome, you are loved. You do not deserve all the pain that you are going through right now, and it’s not your fault that life can be messy and you have to be the victim of it. whatever issue you are going through; anorexia, bulimia, binge eating disorder, extreme phobias, depression, bipolar disorder, anxiety, suicidal thoughts, feelings of not being wanted, not feeling loved by anybody around you, and other crappy ways that you feel, I need you to know that you have a worth, and you are loved. I would put up another post soon, a letter specifically addressed to you, and I urge you to hang on, it won’t be too long before you begin to think differently about yourself.
*the letter titled “dear you” has been posted and you can read it HERE