Read the first story, Destiny Money Here
I am satisfied with my rice and stew without meat for all of thirty minutes only before my hunger strolls back in and take its resting place in my stomach once more.
I haven’t even completed my walk back home.
So much for the embarrassment I forced myself to receive from Nkechi.
I forced myself to lose my prestige for what? Thirty minutes of a mere satisfaction of the stomach?
I pause at this juncture and laugh at myself
For someone that is dangling from the edge of life and about to topple over to nonexistence, I have a pretty way of making my situation seem elegant
I forced myself to lose my prestige for what? Thirty minutes of a mere satisfaction of the stomach?
Thirty minutes of a mere satisfaction of the stomach?
I laugh again
I’m a really funny person. I amuse myself most times
I push this thought out of my mind and continue my lonely walk, and as I turn into the last street leading to my house, I realize something.
I do not need to direct a stranger to my house at night using street numbers.
All I need to do is to give them an elaborate but simple visual description.
If you’re coming at night and you get into my street, spot the only house covered in total darkness while surrounded by houses all glowing with light from their bulbs and fluorescent tubes, and that would be my place
I do not have a generator, and I haven’t paid my light bill for a while now
It’s not been so long I stopped paying light bills actually, but it’s been long enough to have my house address erased off the list of power consumers in Nigeria
I walk through the houses of light until I arrive at the utter darkness that belongs to me, and I walk to the door.
I bring out the key from my pocket and open the door.
I honestly do not know why I lock my door these days, but I still do it nonetheless.
Except people now steal entire buildings if they aren’t locked, there is no reason to lock up my house
I open the door, walk into the house and stand for a while, waiting for my eyes to get accustomed to the darkness
First plan for the night is to find my phone, power it and call Chuza. I would tell him about my decision, then make a plan on where and when to meet him and how to go about the money making activity. After I am done with that, I would sink into my mattress and spend hours imagining one level of wealth or another for myself, and just like every rich person, I would be so dedicated to this activity.
For the first time in a long while, I feel different.
I feel hopeful, like something good is about to come out from my life and I would finally be able to liberate myself from the claws of poverty.
Who said planning and hard work doesn’t pay off? Ha-ha
After my eyes get used to the darkness, I begin to slowly forge my way through the dimness of the room, groping about for my phone. My phone has been switched off for days now, because apart from the fact that I really do not have much that I do with phone (nobody to call, and nobody calls me) I try to reduce my phone usage in order to preserve battery, so I don’t have to go to the barber’s shop often. That way the respect they have for me doesn’t diminish completely
I slump on the bed and put the phone on.
That would be more than enough for a phone call before I turn it off again
I search for Chuza’s number, and I dial it.
You do not have airtime to make this call. But you can borrow airtime from…
I end the call in annoyance.
These telecommunication capitalist bastards are always exploiting the average human being. They are slowly getting on my nerves. Bastards and conceited manipulative money goggling beings; that is what all these network providers are.
Why on earth should they even put a price on communication?
Whatever happened to freedom of communication in the first place?
I hiss and begin the process of borrowing airtime from them.
In a short while I would never have to borrow airtime again, because I would be richer than I’ve ever dreamt of. The thought of this returns that glimmer of hope to calm me down
You have already borrowed airtime and cannot do so until you have paid your outstanding…
I stop myself from flinging my phone to the wall.
This is the nature of human beings, to be extremely disloyal and ungrateful regardless of whatever you have done for them in the past. So much for all the loyalty I have shown my service providers all these years, staying with them even when new networks began to pop up left and right. But even at that, just this one moment I need them to come to my aid they refuse to bend their will and policies because of me
Isn’t it in the nature of friends to make sacrifices?
I refuse to let this setback distract me as I get back to focusing on how to resolve the issue at hand
There has to be a way, I gnash my teeth as I sit up in bed.
There has to be a way Obaino, think. There has to be a way to reach Chuza tonight.
I search through my brain for all the options I’ve got.
Think Obaino, think, you’re a certified problem solver, how do you solve this one?
Bingo! That’s it.
I spring out of my bed and begin to grope through the darkness again as I remember that there is another sim card I see around from time to time.
I had mistakenly acquired the sim card alongside a trouser I own, when I bought the trouser at a second hand rate from a local market. The sim card had been in the pocket of the trouser.
I search for it the same time I pray that it still works, and that there would be airtime inside it
I find the sim card after a while, and I hurriedly open up my phone, pulling out my own sim card and inserting the new one
I turn the phone on and check the account balance of the new sim.
Let me see where that gets me.
I search for Chuza’s phone number stored in my phone, and when I find it I quickly dial it and after some seconds it begins to ring
His caller tune is that of an energetic pastor prophesying blessings, favor and peace of mind in the name of Jesus to a congregation as they thunder amen
Chuza answers the phone unexpectedly as I am beginning to be interested in the caller tune prayer session, and afterwards he remains silent at the other end
“Hello Chuza” I call out impatiently, knowing that I have limited time
“Hello Chuza” I call out again when there is more silence, although it is obvious that somebody is at the other end of the line
“Chuza” I call out for the third time, wondering what the hide and seek is about
“Who I dey follow talk?” Chuza finally responds in a harsh and cautious tone
“Na Obaino” I call out to him, and he makes sounds of familiarity as he processes my identity
That is as far as the airtime can carry me, before the network providers begin to make their sacrilegious announcement to me that I have exhausted my airtime
I groan in annoyance, but before I am swallowed by anger, Chuza calls back
I smile when I see his number on my screen. The things only a rich person can do, I think to myself
We converse about random things for a while before I go ahead to spill my intents to him
I feel him grinning at the other end of the phone, when I reveal to him my decision
I calculate that he must feel so fulfilled to know that he won’t be the only one committing an abomination all in an attempt to get be rich
“In that case, come to my place tomorrow morning. I go carry you go see baba tomorrow” he declares like an elder brother that is looking out for his younger siblings
“No wahala, but one small problem dey” I state
“I no even get one naira for transport money to take reach your place” I explain
“No wahala, I go send car to come pick you up”
I smile to myself, calculating that one day I would be able to be a boss like this to another person, sending my cars to come and pick the person up.
That night as I sleep, I dream that the baba I meet for the ritual is Nkechi, and after making me rich, Nkechi resigns from her job as a baba, and then gets married to me
When I wake the next day, the first thing that comes to my mind is the thought of what condition the baba would give to me before I am able to make money. Chuza’s condition is that he is never to give anybody cash in hand; I wonder what mine would be
I swallow in slight fear as for some reasons I do not know, I pray that it would not involve my manhood, and that it would also not involve my unborn children too.
No, on a second thought my unborn children wouldn’t be too much of a problem, but my manhood? I love sex too much to let go of my manhood.
I pray some more before I catch myself wondering who I am praying to. To God to please beg the devil to take it easy on me?
At exactly nine am, there is a black Toyota waiting to pick me up.
Nkechi walks past just as I enter the car, and the look of confusion in her face gives me delight
I can’t wait for the day I would drive to her mother’s canteen in a limousine, walk into the canteen and tell her to put rice and beans for me with meat, and to also put the meat that she stopped her mother from giving to me in the past. When I am done eating that day, I would explain to her that I don’t have Naira o, and that it is only dollars I have, if she wouldn’t mind managing it like that.
Before I go, I would pay for everybody wey dey the canteen, and then I would ask Nkechi whether she too wants to eat rice and beans at my expense
I should start writing a list of the things I would do when I am rich because they are many
The drive to Chuza’s house is quick, as my mind is engrossed in thoughts most of the way here, but immediately I sight his enormous mansion almost resembling the biblical tower of Babel in might, I am drawn out of my thoughts
When I step out of the car, I hesitate to go close to the house as I am completely possessed by fear. It is as though the house would eat me alive once I step in, so, I just stand there with mouth agape
The door finally opens and a boy on a black and white uniform steps out and beckons on me to come in with a wave of his hand. I sheepishly follow him, and after a courteous greeting, he escorts me to a gigantic sitting room largely made of gold.
The boy asks me what I would like to eat, but for some reasons, I tell him I am not hungry. At that moment, I am indeed no longer hungry. I suspect that to feel hungry in the midst of this entire splendor would be an unforgivable abomination, and so I am careful to not offend the gods of this holy ground that I am standing on
Chuza walks in, and after minutes of random interactions, he tells me to come with him to his bedroom
I almost bow as I go ahead to ask him if he would indeed be comfortable with my unworthy presence in his room. He laughs and tells me that I am his brother, so I can come up.
I follow my brother without any more protest, and soon he ushers me into a room with so much sumptuousness that my eyes begin to water from all the glory that threatens to blind me. He was right when he told me that it is an insult to compare the hotel room to the rooms in his house.
The size of his room alone is ten times the size of my entire house and I mean that literally. There is so much space that I wonder if he plans on building another house inside his room, for maybe rental purposes? I am blown away figuratively, and even literally as the cold from his air conditioners also threaten to sweep me off my feet and send me out through one of the windows that stand tall and high.
He begins to talk spontaneously as he walks around the room with me trailing him like his shadow. He never stops talking, and frequently I let out an exclamation here and there like a diligent listener would do, though I am indeed more focused in adoring the luxury of his room
He stops in front of a giant mirror littered with different deodorants and perfume cans, and their shape, colour and glitter let me know without a doubt that they certainly cost much more than the average Hausa perfume I used when I had the money to even afford them.
What I can’t seem to place my mind around however, is how the cost of these things affect their smell; how ‘rich’ has a different fragrance from ‘struggling’, and how ‘doing very well’ has a different fragrance from ‘doing alright’
Chuza douses himself with one perfume after another, not ceasing to press down the nozzle as he threatens to empty the bottles onto himself
As I watch him, I am forced to ask the question that has been forming in my mind
“Chuza no vex. I wan ask you one question” I cut his ranting short as his hand clinging on to a bottle of perfume suspends midair underneath his arms where he was halfway through his spraying process
“After we see baba, you get another place for mind wey you wan go?” I ask
“No o. Time no go dey to go any other place. Na Ogun state we dey go so o. After we finish, we go come house directly” he answers my first question
“The baba wey we dey go see, na girl?”
His eyebrows lift as he stares at me in confusion
“As in, this baba wey we dey go meet now, na man abi na woman” I try to clarify my earlier question
“Na man” he answers, still wondering what I am getting at
“So na baba wey be man, wey you dey spray all this perfume for?” I ask, genuinely bewildered
A smile of pride spreads across his lip slowly just as he resumes spraying himself with the perfume, and also resumes ranting about how the perfumes don’t mean much to him even though they are very expensive.
He makes sure I get the fact that they are very expensive but yet don’t mean anything to him
In a while we go down to his garage.
His garage is lined up with nine cars, all stationed like loyal but properly decorated soldiers waiting for him to pick one of them for his arrogant cruise around town.
The fact that I only see most of these types of cars in movies make me shiver, and immediately the thought that I would soon be like this catches up to me, and I struggle to steady my breathe from the monetary excitement
We get into a rather lowly car compared to the others, and I want to ask why, but choose otherwise and keep quiet.
In a matter of minutes, we hit the road.
The journey begins to take much longer than expected, and in the process of fantasizing about wealth, I sleep off. By the time I am woken, dusk is setting, and the car has come to a halt.
The feeling of just waking up is still on me, and it takes me a while to get my bearing, processing the time of the day and trying to grasp where exactly I am and what brought me here. But as the details of my movement come back to me, I am fully awake in no time as I sit up and gaze around.
I look to see Chuza pulling the car keys out of the keyhole and pushing his door open.
I look through my window, and I spot a house that seems to be fast fading into oblivion from lack of maintenance, but yet possessing some sort of mystery.
We seem to be in a rural area as the floors are red with dust, and there are no houses around, only poorly planted trees and small vegetations of weird looking grasses and plants
“Is this the baba’s house?” I ask Chuza and he nods as he begins to walk forward.
Later I would try to process the fact that baba seems to be living in terrible conditions of poverty, despite being able to make people so rich, but for now I can only think of what my future holds for me
I follow Chuza’s steps and come out of the car, closing the door behind me. I watch as Chuza pulls out a white scarf with unusual patterns on it, and wrap it round his hand. He instructs me to look down and not look up for any reason until told to do so, and I more than eagerly oblige as a creepy feeling envelope me upon realizing that my survival through all of these might hinge on my obedience
While looking down, Chuza leads me into the house, and in the first room, he makes me halt. He walks ahead and comes back with a scarf he uses to blindfold me.
He ushers me into another room and I feel the presence of another person, as the person begins to make incantations.
I wonder if they do not do introductions here.
A simple “hi baba, this is my friend Obaino. Obaino, meet baba, the man I told you about”
“Oh hi baba, I am Obaino. Chuza has told me a lot about you. It is a pleasure to finally meet you in person. I must commend what you did in the life of my friend as regards his financial prosperity. That is the reason I am here too, to patronize your services in hopes of a similar experience”
That isn’t hard at all.
After some more incantations and activities I cannot see nor understand, my eyes are opened and I am surprised at the baba I see
I don’t know what exactly I expected to see, though it is certainly along the line of a frail ageing man, probably with broken teeth and scanty white hair, but instead this baba is apparently young, with a muscular frame and an unkempt hair and scraggly beards. There are white markings all over his ebony skin, and he has a firm eyes.
With this kind of man serving as the mouthpiece for the oracles, the oracles would certainly not need to stress with sending punishments all the way from their supernatural abode. This baba could beat up defaulters on behalf of the oracles and not bother with the stressful logistics of the spiritual
Chuza leads me to my seat, and from there I watch the baba play with sand and stones, all this while making more incantations.
When he is done he looks up to me and Chuza and coughs
“The oracles have spoken” he announces. “Your condition has been given to you” he explains just as my heart leaps into my throat
“Your condition has been given to you boy, and the day you break this rule. The day you break this rule! The money would stop to flow, and not only would the money stop flowing, but you would also suffer a lot of other terrible consequences which might lead to your death”
I look at Chuza warily, and I see him looking down. This child of the devil didn’t tell me there were other penalties attached to disobeying the condition! The impression I was given all this while was that the only penalty for breaking the covenant would be the stoppage of the flow of money. I fear again as I remember my manhood. I place my hands on my trouser just to be sure it is still there, and I feel it resting underneath my shorts much to my relief. I try not to think of the fact that I could be presented with the option of money or my manhood.
No, God would not allow that kind of predicament to befall me
The baba begins to brag about the terrible things that happened to people who broke the covenant by going against the conditions they were given. He explains that in the end, they died, ran mad, or faced series of horrible events that scarred them for life.
He goes ahead to brag that there is a skeleton still inside his house that he is yet to dispose of; the young man who had once owned the skeleton disobeyed the conditions and went ahead to spite the oracles, claiming that they could not do anything to him
“He is dead now! Dead! Just like that! If you go into my inner room you would see his skeleton there lying on the floor” baba boasts
“Do you think that the oracles that give you so much money mysteriously cannot take your life mysteriously?” he brags again
hmm, food for thought, but this time, I am the food
Baba goes on chanting about how the oracles have spoken, so much that it bores me despite how scared I am at this point. Finally and suddenly he turns sharply and makes the declaration that jolts me out of my world
“You are never to sleep in the night for any reason” he declares and looks up again, and I adjust in my chair as I sit upright and look at Chuza
Chuza looks back at me with an empty stare, so I look back at baba, but baba is looking up into the heavens with a hypnotized stare.
I hesitate for a bit, allowing his words to sink in
“Baba, I don’t understand o” I finally mouth, understanding the enormity of this condition.
How man no go ever sleep for night abeg?
‘The oracles have said that your condition is that you should never sleep at night. From six pm to six am, you are to never sleep for any reason’ he says as if I didn’t hear him the first time. Somebody needs to explain to this baba that it is not the English that I do not understand.
My heart begins to race as sweat breaks from my forehead.
Why didn’t these good for nothing oracles not give me the kind of condition they gave to Chuza?
Which one is it that I cannot sleep at night?
“The day you sleep at night…!” Baba bellows emphatically, causing me to jerk from fear, as I begin to ask myself if this money is worth it
“The day you sleep at night, you would die from there!” he concludes, and I jump to my feet
“I’m not doing again” I declare to Chuza, shaking my head vigorously like a fish out of water.
“I no do again. I dey go my house” I announce to anybody interested in hearing, and begin to make for the door like a child throwing a tantrum
“Taaarh!” the baba bellows in a way that sends me scurrying back to my seat in a matter of seconds, even without understanding the reason for his shout
“How dare you walk out while the oracles are still here? You want to walk out when the oracles are still gathered in the room? Did they give you permission to leave?” he questions my decision with eyes glaringly red and almost popping out of their socket
“Walk out of that door, and lightning from above would strike you to death” he makes the final declaration amidst the new silence that followed his tantrum
I am on the verge of passing out hot wind, as my fear doubles. I look to Chuza who is now looking at me with concern on his face, and I see the warning and caution buried underneath it. I can literally hear his facial expressions warning me to behave myself because he too would not be able to do anything if I and the oracles get into a brawling contest
I mouth to him that I cannot afford to die because I slept off at night when I am actually supposed to be sleeping, but he continues making facial expressions, urging me to be on my best behaviour
After some minutes of silence except for a humming sound baba produces with his nostrils, I cough and give one more shot at sorting my messed up life out. I bend forward and begin explain to baba in the meekest way possible (now that I am aware that there is lightning waiting outside for me) that I cannot afford to embrace the oracle’s condition for wealth, and as a result I change my mind.
Baba laughs and announces to me that the process has started, and I am no longer at liberty to pull out again. At that moment I begin to calculate what the chances are, that I can actually survive a lightning strike. I search through my mind to see if there is any story I’ve heard of a person who survived after being struck by lightning in a Yoruba land, the lightning belonging to Sango?
I turn to Chuza with a grimace on my face, realizing he didn’t tell me the entire story, but Chuza is looking down again
Baba goes on to tell me that I would die if I pull out now, since he has taken my blood and has already forged a covenant between I and the oracles. I place my hands on my head
He also tells me that I am now required to bring the destiny of a girl between eighteen to thirty years of age in a matter of seven days. He explains that I must first of all sleep with her to connect her destiny to mine, then I should bring any material contaminated with her sweat, saliva, blood, or genital excretion to be able to identify her destiny from mine, and then go ahead to use it.
By the time he dismisses us, I am about to storm out in fear and dismay, but I pause at the door and wait for Chuza to go out first, just in case that lightning is still out there lurking
When we get into the car, I bombard Chuza with all the accusations of how wicked he is for not telling me anything, while feeling bad for myself. All Chuza repeatedly tells me is that all would be well, and I should calm down
Why didn’t he tell me that it was a one way chance? Why didn’t he tell me the other things attached to breaking the conditions?
“Obaino calm down, no dey overthink this matter. Na you dey make am look tough. This matter no too hard the way you dey make am look. E no even too hard. By the time the money come now, all this talk no go dey bother you again. The only thing you go dey see na all the money wey you don get
I am calmed a bit by the supposed truth in his words, but I go ahead to ask what kind of money this is that I would have, but not be able to sleep at night because of
“How that one be problem? You fit dey sleep for afternoon dey live your life for night, nothing spoil. You don forget say all the clubs and everything wey dey sweet for body dey usually happen for night? My guy no worry, everything don set for you. You sef wey dey complain, you no know say I know other people wey their own condition dey worse than your own?” he preaches to me with so much passion
“E get one guy wey I sabi, the guy own condition be say, at some particular times, he go just start to bark like dog. The guy don know the particular times so when that time reach, he no go go anywhere until he barking finish. But the thing be say sometimes the thing dey start at unexpected times, and e go catch am for public place.”
“Another guy wey I sabi, his own be say he suppose bath naked for road at least once every month for T-junction, and make nothing or nobody stop am. If he no bath complete, he go run mad”
I don’t know what to do as I listen to Chuza tell me other worse scenarios than mine, but as he continues giving me reasons why I shouldn’t be too bothered, and why this would be for my best, I realize I have no choice than to go through with this and get to where I can reap the fruits of my ill-gotten labor.
I convince myself that when I make this money, I wouldn’t feel the consequences so much, and all this worries would fast fade away.
I fix my mind on more important things, among which the priority is finding a destiny within seven days.
Chuza promises to help me in every way he can because I am his brother, and I am about to also be his brother-in-money
OPERATION FIND A DESTINY
Making plans is one thing, actualizing the plans and turning them into reality is a different ball game entirely.
Being able to actualize dreams has always been my shortcoming, but this time, things would be different.
This time would not be like all the other times I came up with multi-million dollar ideas but allowed them to die because I was unable to see it through.
This time would be different.
This time around I am going to prove to myself that I can amount to something, and that I can follow through with my dreams until they are actualized.
This time around, I am not going to relent until I find a destiny filled with so much potential. After that, I would judiciously invest it into my business so that it can yield financial success for me.
Already, I have consulted with my logistics team headed by the baba in Ogun state, and he has informed me that the dynamics to actualizing this financial goal codenamed operation destiny money has been established. All that is left now he said, is for me to generate the required capital, the unused and unharnessed destiny
I’ve also made enquiries from Chuza who is the strategic expert in locating and securing destiny capital, and in his expertise he has referred me to the same source he secured his own capital from. The nightclub
“Most of the girls wey dey go that club, na from university dem dey take go there, and these girls eh, their destiny bright like Nepa wey dey on full current!”
“But no worry, I know the ones wey be prostitutes. Those ones fit no get destiny because them dey always open leg for any kin person dey collect every kind of spirit. They fit don mistakenly swap their destiny”
“But no fear, I go direct you to the ones wey get destiny”
“When we go club this night, I go show you the particular girl wey you go hijack, collect destiny from am give baba”
The sound of baba makes me uneasy for a while as my mind has come to attach death by lightning and sleeplessness to the name baba
I steady my shaken breath as I nod, listening to Chuza narrate to me the ways to go about securing a destiny.
After some more strategizing, we go on to prepare for our nightly business expedition
Chuza gives me access to his wardrobe for the night, and for the first minutes afterwards, I am in deep confusion as to how to combine all these dressings to have a perfect picture. I’ve never been given these many options to pick from, but by the time I am eventually done, I find it hard to believe that the man in the mirror is me. I am glittering, all covered in various designers from head to toe
You can spot Uncle Louis Vuitton, Brothers Dolce and Gabbana, Big Mommy Gucci, Versace and Aunty Fendi on me
How I am actually able to combine all these brands into one dressing is beyond me, but I do it all the same; a creative mind really does have his ways
When we are done preparing for battle, we choose a white BMW from Chuza’s fleet of cars and start our cruise to the nightclub, but that is after Chuza heaps his boot full of bags of money he brought out from a room in his house, that room
When we get to the nightclub after a rather uneasy ride, I am not so interested in gratifying my desire for debauchery, so I focus right into looking out for a prospective destiny carrier. Chuza turns out to be helpful as he assists me, though still sipping from his bottle of Ciroc while putting his waist to good use on a girl who crowds his space with her perverted presence.
We furtively lock on to different girls at different times, searching, accessing them by their behaviour and countenance, trying to decipher if they have destiny. For different reasons different for each girl, we do not choose any of them.
It is either they laugh like a person who does not have destiny, or they dance in a particular way, and we fear that they might have already danced their destiny out. Some other times Chuza just looks at a girl and for no obvious reason, shakes his head and declares that she does not have destiny
His destiny detection radar DDR, is very strong
After a while of searching, we finally lock on to a light skinned girl sitting by the bar side, sipping on her drink while dedicatedly pressing her phone. She doesn’t seem to be bothered with the activities going on around, and when Chuza sights her, his eyes gradually shape into a squint as his mouth takes a weird shape. She in on a flashy mini gown and her hair covers most of her face, but as Chuza examines her from where he stands holding on to another of liquor even though his previous bottle isn’t near empty, he slowly nods with a look of affirmation on his face
“She get destiny” he declares as he stares at her with squinted eyes and a pouting mouth, all the way nodding thoughtfully
I nod and take her presence in studiously, my brain immediately going back into its alert mode. I then wonder how I am going to go about acquiring her destiny, also realizing that I’ve never thought this far into the future
Now that the key to my millions and maybe billions of naira is properly positioned in front of me waiting to be acquired, I realize that I’ve never thought of how to actually possess it.
I turn to Chuza for assistance, enquiring from the expert again, how to go about this acquisition
“Shey baba talk say after you sleep with am, the only thing wey remain na for you to find how you go collect her blood, sweat or hair abi?” he double checks what he has in his memory with me, and I nod in confirmation
“Eh, e no hard na. I dey sure say na money go cause am to shake body. Na for you to go there display money, then you toast am. When she agree to sleep with you, matter don finish. You no even need to take am go your house; you fit even do everything here for this club sharp sharp” he explains to me in the confidence of he that came, saw and conquered
I nod slowly as I look at her again, and then at Chuza
“Okay, but you go give me the money I go use impress the girl na” I remind him. Chuza stares at me, does some calculations in his head, and then snaps out of his thought and reaches into his bag.
He pulls out a large bundle of dollar notes and passes it on to me
“Use am buy drink for her, spend am on her alone o. No use even one naira on yourself. No even sip from the drink wey you buy for her o. Any money wey remain, you fit spray the money on her, but no give her money for hand if she no do anything. If money still return, return am back to me” he goes over the instruction again and again while I nod repeatedly.
“In case you no know, if you spend the money on yourself, or on the girl when she no do anything, when the money stop to enter my hand, you wey been spend the money on yourself go also run mad” he summarizes.
If I was considering trying to play Chuza before now, at the mention of madness I am certain that I would not even consider it anymore
“What about the girl wey I dey use the money on? The thing no go affect your agreement with the baba?” I ask quizzically
“Nothing go happen. You no dey give am the money for free, you go collect something at the end, and indirectly e be like say na me dey actually spend on the girl”
I conclude at that moment that I would never understand the arithmetic of the oracles, but nonetheless, would follow instruction to the last
Chuza shoves the money into my hand, and I begin to make my way towards the girl still sitting at the bar side.
I am naturally a complete replica of Casanova, and the only thing that has stalled this talented side of me before now has been a lack of money, but now that I have someone’s money and good looks (courtesy of Chuza’s clothing) to accompany my intelligence, I am certain that wooing this girl wouldn’t be a problem
I walk slowly to where my prey is positioned, and when I get to the bar, I slide across to where she is, beginning to recollect all the moves I know from the player’s book of my glory days in the University before real life struck me
“Humanity must be of no fun to you” I declare when I am close enough, and the girl looks up at me. She is a very beautiful girl, so beautiful that my breath seizes for a brief moment after I catch sight of her face.
Her jawlines are well pronounced, and even in the dimness of the club, I can tell that the colour of her eyes isn’t completely dark. It has a touch of a brownish glitter that the multi-colored lights in the nightclub enhances, and finally she is on a red lipstick that makes her all the more attractive
“Excuse me?” she asks as she tilts her head to reveal her ears, trying to listen more closely this time, as she didn’t hear what I said the last time
“I said that humanity must be a bore to you, seeing that you have been on your phone since you got here” I explain in a voice that is almost a shout as I struggle to make myself heard amidst the banging music of the night club
She processes what I said for a brief moment, and then lets out a giggle as she looks at her phone and back at me before shrugging
“Hi, I am Obinna” I introduce myself and stretch out my hands.
“I didn’t get your name though, here is too noisy” she yells into my ears while taking my hand in hers
“You wouldn’t mind if we go a lounge then? It’s usually quiet there in comparison to this ground floor” I explain to her, making sure to lick my lips from time to time and to keep one of my eyebrows higher than the other
She hesitates while trying to maintain a smile on her face, probably trying to judge my person and my intents
“Oh come on, it is not a secluded room, it is one of the lounges. It has a balcony view to the dance floor, and it is not entirely walled off from the rest of the party. You would be safe and comfortable there. Besides, other lounges are close by. I’m really about the quietness only, no other intentions” I explain and finish it off with an inviting smile
She studies me for some more seconds before finally shrugging in acceptance as she giggles and drinks from her glass
I look around and spot an official walking past in the nightclub’s red uniform, and I signal to him to come over. When he comes, I make arrangements for a lounge and after some minutes, I and my prey make our way to the lounge
The noise there is lesser, and the noise from the dance floor below is very much reduced
“Wow. I feel like I am just coming out from a boom box with all that noise” the beautiful girl exclaims as she walks beside me, into the expensive place. I like the way she catwalks, swaying her well-shaped body from side to side
“You can say that again. At least I can hear you better, and also hear your voice in its purest form” I reply as we take our seats adjacent to each other on the long cushion
A lady walks in and asks what drinks we would love, and I ask the beautiful prey-girl in turn what she would love. She says that anything not too strong would be good for her, so I go ahead and order for a long list of assorted and expensive wines, all in an attempt to impress
The lady taking the order nods and smiles, and is about to head out when I call her back
“One more thing” I say
“I am in possession of foreign currency only, dollars, to be precise. So if you could bring my receipt to me with the cost calculated in dollars, I would be pleased. I do not want to undergo the stress of converting dollar to naira, considering how much I dislike math” I chuckle out the last line and the waiting lady laughs with me like she actually knew beforehand, that I’m not so good at math.
“So what were we saying?” I turn back to the beautiful lady when we’re alone again, and I see that she now has a broader smile on her face and a glitter in her eyes. Ah, that glitter. I recognize that familiar glitter, even though hers is more feministic.
This is going to be easier than I thought
It is that glitter, that particular glitter
It comes only from seeing so much money in close proximity while knowing that they don’t belong to you, but yet also realizing that under the right circumstances you could have access to it.
Ah. That glitter
Every time at night, when I spend time dreaming about my future as a business man with containers in da high sea or as a business man in the oil and gas sector, that glitter springs forth like newly discovered oil.
Every time I see Chuza display so much wealth, that glitter springs forth.
Every time I think about what I could possible do with all the money I would get if this destiny ritual checks out right, that glitter springs forth.
It is the glitter of a person who sees money so close by, but can’t call it his yet, but it greatly excites him because of all the possibilities attached to it.
I have continuously been in this predicament, so it is not hard to spot the glitter in this beautiful lady. It is only a pity that she would be the person whose destiny I would need to use, to satisfy my own glitter
“Oh, we weren’t saying anything yet” she laughs unnecessarily and swings mildly in her seat, now rubbing her legs with her hands as she smiles at me unnervingly.
Sigh, money actually does take away a person’s ability to be well behaved.
“In that case, let me start by asking what the name of a beauty as you is. I am curious” I take the lead
She giggles again
“My name is Aretha” she offers an answer and giggles again
“I have not met so many Arethas in my life so forgive me when I ask, but are all Arethas this beautiful and gorgeous?”
She laughs out loud and long while covering her mouth with her hands and shrugging
“Well I don’t know. I haven’t met so many Arethas either” she answers and giggles, again
“Mmmm, one of her kind”
“You’re certainly giving me a beautiful first impression about Arethas though”
We go ahead to converse even when the drinks come. I pour out hers as a gentle man would and pour mine too, very careful not to drink it for any reason whatsoever.
We talk about a lot of things with me making sure it finds a way to connect to the fact that I have so much money
With time our conversation gets raunchy as she begins to get tipsy.
I ask for a dance and she obliges and we begin to have a very sensual dance, and all along I throw money in the air as she squeals in delight, giving her all to me as I make it rain on her
Eventually, as a gentle man that I am, I pull out my handkerchief and begin to dab the sweat off her face.
We dance, I spray money, she squeals, she giggles, I dab the sweat off her face and I spray more money
She’s having an amazing time of her life
She’s about to make me have an amazing life too
When the handkerchief is properly soaked with baby girl’s sweat, I pocket it and turn the heat up sexually.
Soon, we are making our way to the toilet with her actually leading me, taking full control as she switches on to full seduction mode.
I can imagine later on when she meets her friends.
She would tell them about the guy she met and mesmerized at the club. She would tell them that she was a boss, working on him and causing him to lavish so much money on her. She would talk about how she took charge, and then remind them to always remember that na she be the bad girl.
Well we get to the toilet, and there we deepen our sexual ecstasy. After some twenty minutes, the deal is done.
We interact some more, I spray more money on her which she eagerly pockets. We talk a lot and deepen our supposed romantic bonding, and then finally we exchange contacts, promising to reach out and keep in touch
When we part ways and I go down to meet Chuza with a sheepish grin on my face, he smiles back in understanding and calls me the boss
The next day we’re on our way to Ogun state again, with me protectively clutching on to the handkerchief that made me both the gentleman and the conman last night
When we get there and walk into the room, I almost greet the baba with a ‘good afternoon sir’ amidst prostrates, but Chuza pulls me up, trying not to laugh.
That child of the devil actually wanted to laugh
The baba gets right into the business of the day, placing me naked on a circle he creates with colored pebbles, weird leaves and objects, amidst chanting.
When he is done with that, he gives me a concoction to drink. He explains that this is to safeguard my own destiny while he starts the process of retrieving the girl’s destiny which is currently entangled with mine.
After the ritual, he collects the handkerchief from me and plunges it into a calabash filled with a steaming liquid, and the previously colorless liquid turns stale brownish in color.
The residue of sweat from the handkerchief according to him, is how he would be able to identify the girl’s destiny
After a while baba stops his incantation and looks deep and hard into the water like he is searching for something, and I look up to see that Chuza also has a frown on his face
“Hmph” baba grunts and shakes his head slowly, still moving the bowl from side to side and prying into the liquid within
“Hmph” he grunts again and shakes his head in that manner that makes me understand that something isn’t going according to plan
“Hmph” he grunts yet again
After some minutes, with a pouting mouth and a wrinkled face, baba looks up at me while shaking his head
“This one you brought, has no destiny” he declares and looks back into the bowl
“Aaaaah, she has no destiny. No destiny at all. Nothing is left, nothing at all. All her destiny has been used, everything” he turns my grievances into a song he begins to chant as he shakes his head to the rhythm.
I do not understand how a beautiful girl like that can have no destiny. She looked too amazing to be without a destiny
In frustration I am tempted to demand from baba, knowledge of what happened to her destiny and who used it, but remembering that baba has access to lightning; I behave myself and keep quiet.
“You would have to try again” he finally declares as my heart sinks.
“Remember, you have only five days now. Be fast and bring back a destiny to me!” baba declares in sudden uproar and I and Chuza scurry out of his house and get back on our way to Lagos
“O boy, to God who made me, she been look like say she go get destiny” Chuza offers an apology and an explanation as we drive quietly back to Lagos
I am really not interested in the dialogue, because all that is in my mind is the fact that I have only five days left. I don’t like the sound of that
“No worry, we go go back the nightclub again this night” Chuza offers just the same time that Aretha from the nightclub sends me a text message, talking about how she just wanted to check up on me, and about how last night was awesome
“So this girl like this doesn’t even have destiny?” I mouth to myself as I look at my phone, reading the text over and over. For the first time I actually wonder how many people moving about with so much elegance actually have destiny.
I catch myself wondering if I actually have destiny
At least people like Chuza know for sure that they are without destiny
“E get no way we no go see better girl wey go get destiny this night” Chuza’s voice filters back into my ear as he continues talking
“No” I interrupt him
“We no fit go that nightclub again dey take chances like that, dey pursue girls wey we no know from anywhere, they expect them to get destiny” I cut him short as a solid plan forms in my head
“This time I go look for girl wey I sabi her roots, wey I sure say she go get destiny” I explain
Chuza nods attentively while controlling the car through the streets as he waits for me to finish my talk
“I sabi one girl I fit link up with. I don sabi am for a while and I know say she go get destiny. Besides her parents na all this good people wey no dey allow their child to do bad things, so she go sure for this destiny parole. Na to just catch am now”
Yes, I am talking about Nkechi
The dream I had this morning while I slept is a bit unusual. I dreamt that I collected Nkechi’s destiny and when it was time for baba to collect her destiny for the ritual, he mistakenly collected mine instead, and then Nkechi went ahead to become rich off my destiny, become Chuza’s girlfriend, and together they threw me into the streets without money and without destiny
Before I go about my activities for the day, I make an extra special prayer, praying that this particular operation would go successful and there would be no complications of any kind
The day is supposed to be simple and successful if all go according to plans
Thankfully I and Chuza have found a way to maneuver through his condition of not being able to give money to anybody
It is simple. He is going to act as my paid escort for the day, and for everything I order all in an attempt to impress Nkechi, he is going to make the payment himself.
I sincerely do not know why Chuza is willing to go all out to assist me in actualizing this dream, but whatever reason it is, I am grateful for his willingness
He lets me wear his clothes again, and he becomes the driver as we head to the famous canteen in his red range rover car
I feel even more uneasy this time around as compared to last night at the club, but I suspect it is because of my quite personal relationship with Nkechi, so I shake it off.
The sequence for tonight’s activity is simple; I am going to impress her with money, explain to her that I have finally hit my major jackpot after selling a multi-million dollar idea to a marketing firm and securing a contract as a result of it, and now I am trying to put my life back in shape
I bet she would be impressed and immediately, she would be all over me again. This night immediately, I would seal the deal in a sexual union as there is no time to waste
I mutter silent prayers as we drive to the place, and all along Chuza keeps reassuring me that it would go well
After a while, we get to the canteen and Chuza slowly pulls into the space in front. I notice as all eyes around turn and begin to gawk at the car. I notice some familiar faces from the neighborhood and I get a nice feeling knowing that when I step down, they would be blown away seeing that it is I, the poorest person in the neighborhood.
Chuza parks properly and kills the engine, and after taking in a deep breathe I step outside.
From the gasps of surprise I see from people that recognize me, it feels like I am literally releasing smoke from my body. Literal definition of smoking hot
I stand by the door of the range and slowly pull off my sunglasses and fold it as I survey the place. Finally, all my years of practicing how rich people behave can finally pay off, even though none of the wealth belongs to me, yet
I adjust my shoulders slowly and begin to walk in with my new confidence I generated from the reactions I got from people who recognized me
I greet the people I know, and they hesitate before they greet me back, still in shock and confusion.
At least they greeted me this time. These same people usually don’t respond when I greet them
I walk into the canteen and take a seat while Chuza seats in another table not too far from mine.
I see when Nkechi steps out from the room behind and looks around till she sees me. I wave at her amidst a smile, and her eyes widen as she takes me in, clad in obviously expensive clothes. After some more hesitation, she slowly waves back and forces herself to look away before she walks back in
Chuza smiles encouragingly to me, and I smile back before putting on my facade again.
Nkechi comes out after a while and stands by the counter, occasionally looking towards me and then removing her gaze immediately.
After a while I finally stand up and swagger to where she is, putting on my garment of seduction along with all its accessories
“Hey” I call out to her with a nod of my head when I am at the counter, smiling as I do so
She is caught in between smiling, or sticking to her previous response of scornful frown, but eventually the previous gives way to the newer and she smiles, although very guardedly
Money really does work magic.
I make a mental note to write a book before I die, on my grass to grace story. I would make sure I write about this encounter with Nkechi
“So basically I’m here to pay up all my debts, and to also say a whole lot of thank you to you and your mom for accommodating all this while I was broke” I begin my eulogy and she nods to everything I say, obviously overwhelmed to say an actual word
“I admit I must have been a nuisance at a certain point, but you and your mother really held it down for me during that phase. Thank God I am out of that phase now. Now that I have secured a major contract with a marketing company, it is really the beginning of greater things”
Nkechi keeps nodding with an expression of wonder on her face as she pries deep into my eyes, probably searching for the hint that this is indeed a joke
“What I’m really about right now, is setting up my life afresh, and trying to get to a stable point. Already I’ve purchased my car and about to buy a house on the island” I shift a bit as she stretches to peek outside
“The range rover outside is your car?” she asks
“Yes, one of the two I bought” I answer her question as her mouth forms an ‘o’ shape in surprise
“You’re really doing well” she remarks and I smile and say nothing for a while, allowing the moment between us to build.
We talk some more, although I am the one doing most of the talking, but it is obvious that she is okay with that.
After a while she looks at me and then smiles, and I smile in return and we giggle
“So how much do I owe you guys?” I finally ask
“Let me go in and cross check” she says as she starts to go inside
“Oh there would be no need for that. Would fifty thousand naira cover up all the debt?” I ask as I scratch my chin pretending to be genuinely in thought
Nkechi expresses surprises as she stutters for a while
“You do not owe us anything close to fifty thousand” she finally explains as I grin
“Then let whatever is left be a token of my appreciation”
Nkechi stutters some more as she blinks rapidly and try to find her words
“No Obaino, I don’t think you even owe us up to twenty thousand naira” she explains as she stretches out her hand to demonstrate
“I know, whatever is left is my way of saying thank you” I explain tenderly like a brethren giving back to the church that gave him a miracle and cured him of a life threatening ailment
Nkechi hesitates for some more moments, then makes to say something, then stops and shrugs as she giggles. All of a sudden her facial expression goes back to a frown before she smiles again
“Can I also give something to you too Nkechi? To say thank you personally and of course, because you’ve never stopped being in my mind”
I enjoy the way Nkechi reacts to everything I say. It is like I have her button of confusion in my hand, and my words press these buttons, causing her to display
“Let’s say twenty thousand naira?”
Nkechi gasps and places her hands across her shoulders
“Just like that?” she asks
“It’s not really a random act Nkechi. It is because you’ve always been special to me. I just needed to get to this point before I thought of pursuing something with you again as it was before”
Nkechi blushes as though I have accessed her emotions.
What I know for sure, is that I have accessed that part of her mind where she keeps her shopping list stored in, pending the next unsolicited money she gets
I am sure that if we continue this expensive relationship for the next one month, she would essentially convince herself that she is truly in love with me
Let’s open to the book of “I love him for who he is, not for what he has”
Who am I abeg?
I signal for Chuza and tell him to bring seventy thousand naira from the car, which he dutifully does as the escort he is supposed to be
Before I leave, I interact with Nkechi who is now very open to my suggestions, as she laughs and submits herself to me to take control of.
She replies to my flattery willingly, and tells me about how she missed me too. She explains that she got busy when she came back from school, and when she was disposed again, she wasn’t sure of what I felt for her anymore, and so she resorted to keep her distance despite her feelings for me.
I tell her it is all okay, and then I explain to her that I would be at a hotel later in the evening, and I love her mother’s food so much that I would still want to eat it for dinner
I ask if it is possible for her to bring food to my hotel, and she smiles and agrees to the arrangement
Her smile makes me know that she understands the unspoken agenda behind my request, as she bites her lips and casts me amorous glances
I tell her I would be expecting her in the night as I bid her farewell and leave
On our way back home, I and Chuza take our time to laugh properly and celebrate the fact that I am closer to my destiny money than I have ever been
Later that night Nkechi comes to meet me at the hotel I lodged into, and she is looking really appealing. It is obvious she knows what is supposed to go down
Chuza buys bottles of drinks from the hotel bar, and lots of meat and other little delicacies, and with that, I and Nkechi get into flirting and drinking as we bond over the new glory of having so much money
I ask her for a dance and she willingly agrees and we turn the room to the dance floor as we work it out
Soon I pull out my handkerchief and take my time to dab her off her sweat as the proper gentle man that I am supposed to be, and she is more than excited with all my gestures
When we are tired out from the dancing and I have accumulated her sweat in my handkerchief, we get down into the sex.
When we are done, we spend the remaining part of the night talking and being all emotional although none of that is on my mind anymore. I just need to play along for the sake of a perfectly acted out script, till it is time for her to leave
By the next morning, she dresses up and after talking about how happy she is to finally connect with me again after these years, she leaves
I and Chuza without wasting any more second begin our journey to baba’s place, with me feeling a mixture of tension and excitement
This day is going to be the highlight of my life; the day baba announces to me that I now have access to money unlimited.
This hope follows me through the journey, and through the ritual process, until it is time for baba to sieve out her destiny from mine and proceed with the rituals proper.
When baba looks into the bowl with the handkerchief and the brown liquid, his facial expressions tell me everything I need to know
NKECHI HAS NO DESTINY
“This one too don’t have destiny” he declares
I and Chuza exclaim in tiredness and surprise when baba makes his declaration
MY OWN NKECHI DOESN’T HAVE DESTINY?
SHE COULDN’T EVEN KEEP HER DESTINY FOR THE RIGHT MAN?
SHE ALLOWED HER DESTINY TO BE TAKEN AWAY BEFORE TIME?
“She doesn’t have destiny at all at all at all” he sings it like a song as he rumples his face into solemnness
It is painful, and I don’t know what is more painful; the fact that I considered using a girl I (think I) love for ritual, or the fact that the girl I (think I) love doesn’t even have destiny
We leave the place broken and tired.
Two more trips to baba’s place with two more girls’ destiny, with baba telling me those two times that the girls do not have destiny, and I am down to only three days before my seven days deadline is over.
Baba has never told me what would happen after seven days, but by this time I am trembling
How can destiny be this scarce to attain? Isn’t destiny something that every human being is supposed to have?
By the time I am with baba again after my fifth business transaction has been declined, I break down in front of baba
“Baba how I wan do am? How I wan get this destiny?” I lament to him as he looks at me with his firm eyes
“Baba you fit help me in anyway?” I plead
“Baba I don try, but I no fit find this destiny”
Baba looks at me with that frown and a pouted mouth as he nods his head over and over
“Hmph” he grunts and nods his head. I am amazed that he actually considers my plea and doesn’t threaten me with his lightning
“Okay, this is what would happen…”
He bends forward and formulates a plan with I and Chuza, much to my relief. I am not going to die after all
By the time we get home, we spring into action, obeying the instructions of baba
Baba is a kind guy after all. He is not going to let me go down like that
When we’re home, Chuza rents a hall and makes all the payment for music, food, drinks, protocol and everything involved in organizing a party
According to baba, we should host a party and invite people, especially lots of young girls. He agreed that he would be the protocol for the party, and he would come with the eyes of the oracles that would enable him discern a person with destiny immediately he sees the person
That way he would single out a person with bright destiny himself, and then point us in the accurate direction to go hunting
I am thrilled and relieved considering that I now have only one day to find this destiny
Chuza is capable of pulling in a large impossible crowd in a matter of hours, and within twelve hours after the publicity started for his surprise party for the best of the best only, we are sure of at least five hundred persons in attendance
Night comes and in hours the party hall is filled to the brim and overflowing with people, even to the outside and the poolside.
There are hundreds of beautiful young ladies, both in the University and out of University moving about, and I am delighted. There is no way there wouldn’t be at least one person here with destiny
Everybody gets into partying as we wait for baba to come around
Two hours into the all-night party baba eventually shows up in an all black dressing and sun shades to finish off his looks
Baba cleans up very nice for somebody that is a messenger of the oracles
He tells us that we can go about partying, and should report back in five minutes, for by then he would have found destiny for us
We do as we are told, but five minutes later when we are back, baba with a frown tells us that so far, no girl he has seen has destiny
I find this hard to believe as my mouth opens in shock
This time he begins to walk through the crowd and we trail him with our hearts in our throats
By the time he is done, after slowly walking to the ends of the party hall and even outside and to the poolside, he turns and looks at us
“Is this everyone in the party?” he asks with widened eyes and mouth agape, and we nod in affirmation
He shrugs sharply and folds his hands, shaking his head slowly
“Destiny has finished everywhere” he declares solemnly
“Nobody here has destiny. Not only the girls, but even the boys too. Nobody here has destiny”
Aaaaaaaand, it’s a wrap! ‘Destiny has finished’ has finished, lol.
My wonderful readers, thank you for honoring me with your read, the zombie is grateful.
So what do you think about this one?
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